Update

Hello to my 1 reader,

The weather is warming up here in Boston. It’s nice walking outside with only one layer of clothing with a light jacket in hand just in case the night gets a little chilly.

Communication between my cousin and I has improved since 6 months ago. Before we would fight and have disagreements at least once a week with tension lasting for couple of days. Now our arguments probably last no more than 2 minutes and down to probably once every couple of weeks.

Six months is how long I’ve been a teller at TD Bank. Administration and repetition are not my strong points, so I’m surprised the steadfastness I still have about the job. Even though 6 months is not long to most people understand that I have a tendency to mentally and emotionally checked-out with uninteresting and tedious situations. But looking back, I’m glad I kept engaged.

I can’t believe it’s been more than six months since my move to Boston. It feels like it’s been so much longer than that. I feel like life has so much more to offer. And the sooner I recognize my worth and abilities the sooner I will be able to venture into the next chapter of my life.

community + commitment

The holiday season gives a bitter-sweet feeling for me. As much as I love ‘escaping’ back to my parents’ house during break, I usually can’t wait to get back to school. Though I’m agenda free on my planner, my mind continues thinking about what else I can do when I get back to so cal. My mini-vacation, for the most part, leaves me pretty sad when I have to leave my family again. Sometimes I can’t help thinking whether my decision to leave the house was a selfish act. My initial motive for leaving the house was simply, to get out of the house. I wanted to leave as soon as possible because I wanted to taste life the way I wanted to, and not because someone else tells me what is. Maybe this answered my question.

Sometimes I feel the way that I left home was due to the need for an escape. It wasn’t a clean act. As if, I left because I couldn’t face it anymore. Though I knew eventually I will leave the house, sometimes coming back here makes me feel as if I left with an unfinished agenda –like, I gave up. I hate that feeling.

Anyway, after talking to my brother and giving him some older sister advice, I realized how much love I have for him and my family. Sometimes I see the struggles that my parents go through and how my brother is in the middle of things alone, I just feel, torn. This feeling makes me feel almost guilty of leaving in the first place. I tried to explain why things are the way things are, but I’m not sure how much he took in.

Commitment + community. How this relates to what I’m talking about? I don’t know. The entry would have to be extra long for me to build the connection. But after living in 8+ different cities, and gone to who knows how many churches, I’ve realized that that no matter what, building commitment to a community is a skill. To many times I’ve fallen for the, leaving-because-of-conflict. My conclusion is that growth is only measurable by how well one can face the past. (This theory will suffice for now).