The title above refers to the last session I went to at the Idea Camp. I felt like the discussions were such a revelation that I wish I took notes. David Ruis led a workshop called “Where Liturgy and Love Collide.” Jessica and I went inside late so we missed the introduction of what the overall workshop was about. (The title was not obvious to me ._.) But after sitting and listening I kinda made the connection between everyone’s comments –something about worship and the poor. I remember a guy shared of how people assumed that the reason he was dry in his walk was because he didn’t read his Bible or engage in a steady prayer life. After hearing this I was immediately brought back to when I’ve felt dry and all I could assume about my walk in those times was that I either wasn’t praying hard enough or reading my Bible enough. I was shocked because even though I’ve read verses of Jesus emphasizing true sacrifice never have I made the bridge of associating my dryness to the lack of worship.
This is not the present popular concepts of worship with guitars and dancing. Ruis talked about worship not being a place of musical escape, but a place of awareness providing perspective on where God’s heart is concerning justice. The concept needed to marinate for a while.
A lady shared about her trip to Africa and the preparation she went through, all the shots and medication needed in order to be protected from diseases. She shared her thoughts about being concerned with what awaited for her in Africa –how bad must the condition have been for her to go through such an extensive process of physical prep. But when she finally arrived and saw the children all fears melted. Though the obvious bruises and scabs were on faces of the children she couldn’t help but embrace the lives of those to which she was called. I can’t even explain to you how the lady looked when she was telling her story. There was so much compassion and love through her description that it was so evident that Christ’s love lived inside her when she was with those children in Africa. And almost immediately I was reminded of Philippians 2, humility of Christ. Jesus, in all his glory left heaven the most perfect place, came down to earth as man. He touched us without any concerns of being contaminated with our evilness or our incompetence, and embraced us. He put himself under the will of the Father and carried out the mission. Perfect love drives out all fear. There is no fear in Christ’s perfect love.
I really wish I took notes, because then I could tell you all the awesome input others had. They so eloquently put the concept of worship into words I could never repeat unless they wrote it down for me.
So yes, worship, how that relates to the lady’s story, and to my realizations. For a long time I’ve been wanting to be a worship leader. I’ve always had the habit of corralling people and eventually discovered that as a gift from God. Along with my love of music I felt called to be on stage as a worship leader leading a congregation to a place of intimacy and expectation of God’s presence. At the same time social justice was pressed firmly on my heart. I never knew why I had such a hatred for injustice, and suppressed the emotions aside as a feeling of re-activeness. It wasn’t until listening to the people in Ruis’ workshop and totally clearing my mind of presumptions that everything, my thoughts, hopes, and agenda, collided at a single point. I realized that my thoughts on worship were so narrow that they steered my hopes incomplete. My agenda was to be on stage, not for the spotlight, but in all honestly to lead people into the Presence.
But luckily my heart made the connection that my mind couldn’t, I realized in the workshop that my desire of being a worship leader isn’t leading the congregation to God by singing; but a worship leading that brings people to the heart of God by doing the work that Jesus left the throne to do, and what he commanded us to do after he went back.
I think I’m leaving a lot of stuff out in a sense that I’m not going into too much details. Maybe because it’s late and I can’t keep talking about God if I know staying up so late is going to make me late for church tomorrow ._.
But I think the last session for me was huge. I feel like I can finally let go of my desire of wanting to be the lead vocalist of the worship team. I think when God mentioned he wants true worshipers, he meant worshipers who fully knew the meaning of that word. And to be close to his heart is an awareness of what weighs on his heart. And what weighs on his heart is the desire of seeing his people free from bondage.
The definition of wl has definitely changed for me. As long as I have waited to be considered as a wl but never happened, I’m glad. This process has been humbling. I think I can walk away with a new hope of answering my calling with less doubt of whether or not I’m aligned with His will.
God definitely tugged at my heart and poured grace in each of my steps. And approaching clarity totally makes me more grateful for the gifts and the talents I possess.
