Bigger than my body

Sometimes I wish I could sing my way through life. Wouldn’t it be nice if life were a musical
Every night a new show, a new audience. If I die, tomorrow I get right up again

What is the secret to success? Is it more doing than dreaming? Is it putting in the time before seeing the dime? Is it keeping to myself and not worry or hurry? I wish I was there already and not have to make ends meet. I wish my parents saw more in me

Wish there was something I really wanted in life. Instead of a momentary high. Do you know of such dream that could satisfy me? Where I can find sanity and be totally complete?

Whoever said, “life is not fair,” I hate you for saying it even thought you’re right. Because I think I was born as someone else living not my own life. How can my dream be so different from my reality?
It frightens me how much I regret  what’s been there for me.

I’m not destined for greatness to the extent that I thought. More or less dreams can’t be bought. And even if it could be, I couldn’t afford it. Because if I had that much I’d probably blow it on stupid things, like clothes and cars. Blah…

I wish I could be content with what I have. Because my dreams are too big of a path for my legs to finish walking my strives are weakening and my pace is spacing.

I’d like to sing and be heard. I’d like to dance and not be afraid. I’d like my voice to travel far and long, to entertain, to inspire, to keep people feeling strong. I’d like my life to be more than a spec.

More than a spec.

Romans 8v9-17

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

Heirs with Christ

12 So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry,“Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Psychological

Sometimes I think the only obstacles holding us back from accomplishing a task or refraining us from doing good, is our own psyche. Like, right now. I don’t feel like doing work not because I’m physically incapable of doing so, but because I just don’t want to. Or if I want to stop binging but I can’t not because my body is famished or because I want to taste something but because my brain just wants to shove food in my mouth. Okay, maybe they’re not the best examples. For some reason my logic makes sense when they’re contained, however, when I write it out or tell someone my reasonings never make sense. I guess my point is that, sometimes (not always), we don’t think we can’t do something because our mind tells us so, however, we’re physically capable. Like running. Our mind usually gives up before our bodies do.

I have no idea why I’m writing this. I think because I really don’t want to do work. Halloween is this Saturday and I have two incomplete costumes. Maybe I’ll go with option three. It’s the easiest to pull off. Though I was looking forward to being Laura Croft. Blah. How can I imagine making it in the corporate world if I can’t event finish my homework, or finish one lousy costume.

And the unfinished word on the table is, “tomorrow.” That quote is by Thomas Jefferson. Wise man he was. However, it’s 12:12 am. So it’s tomorrow is technically today. I’ll just finish my work later on today.

friENDs

I had what seemed like a long conversation with a friend that only lasted briefly right before I signed off. There were a lot of words, many which I can’t remember. There were words of encouragement and words of mistrust. There were words of love and words of resentment. All-in-all I’ve come to the conclusion that friends no matter how long the friendship, if sincere, will always reveal the nasty truth and not afraid of doing so either.

I’ve been reminded today of the hidden and suppressed memories. As much as I don’t want to feel those feelings ever again, I know in order for me to get to the next stage in life with confidence, I need to rid myself of those monsters.  I don’t welcome pain, I welcome healing.

After years of making new friends, losing old ones and reconnecting with rivals, I’m starting to appreciate that concept of loving the friend more than the friendship.

Thanks for the reminder.

Mindless

Sometimes I don’t like how things are done at a certain place and I feel like leaving and going elsewhere. Sometimes I feel like my conscience is hurt, and when I try to tell someone how I feel I’m only made a fool for feeling that way. Sometimes people irritate the heck out of me and I just feel like slapping them in the face. Sometimes I get so angry I can’t sleep at night even though my body is tired. Sometimes I think I’m the only one in the world who feels this way. Sometimes I think people are hiding things from me because they think they’re protecting me. Sometimes I think I’m crazy. Sometimes I think some people should just die. Sometimes I think I come off too strong and cross social boundaries. Sometimes I think I’m right even when others think I’m wrong. Sometimes I think other people know me better than myself. Sometimes I don’t think I can ever tell anyone how I feel. Sometimes I feel nothing is worth the pain. Sometimes I feel taken advantage of. A lot of times I’m really glad to know God. And a lot of times I’m really glad He’s perfect. Sometimes I wonder how people relieved stress when blog’s/journaling hasn’t been invented. Sometimes I wish I were the center of attention. Sometimes I wish for affirmation. Sometimes I just want to be appreciated. Sometimes I forget that affirmation from Him is the only one that counts. Sometimes I don’t care what I look like. Sometimes I wish I cared what I looked like. Sometimes I wish I was more confident. Sometimes I wish I said what I thought at the moment I thought it. Sometimes I wish I understood more. Sometimes I wish I had more patience. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care as much. Sometimes I wish I was as pretty as her. Sometimes I wish I was skinny as her. Sometimes I wish I could stop thinking so much. Sometimes I wish I could just be married already, to a rich man. Sometimes I wish people would just grow up. Sometimes I wish people could stop being lazy. Sometimes I wish people would stop being selfish. Sometimes I wonder how much easier life would be if I didn’t exist. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who thinks this way. Sometimes I think I’m way too sensitive. Sometimes I wish everyone would just shut-up. Sometimes people puzzle me. Sometimes I wish life were easier. Sometimes I wish I was a robot. Sometimes I wish I could see the bigger picture. Sometimes I wish I were someone else. Sometimes I wish people understood.

I don’t mean to be emo it’s just cyberspace is the best worse listener.

Read for Fun

I finished a book.

For the past two years I started reading 5+ books and finished zero, until two nights ago. I finished Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. I know, how did I possibly put of this amazingly profound and easy book for so long. Eye Decay.

The next book that I’m attempting to finish is, The Case for Faith by Lee Strobel. I’m 1/4 of the way done and that was in one short sitting between classes. This is not to show how fast of a reader I am but how easy the book is. So far I’m loving the book. Strobel is objective and research based.

Other books that I’ve started but haven’t finished in no particular order:

1) Problem of Pain by CS Lewis -SO difficult to read with long complex sentences. An abstract subject with dense language

2) How to Read a Book by Mortimer J. Adler and Charles Van Doren  -Should have read this book first. I like the organization of the book and the analogies they use.

3) The Reason for God by Timothy Keller – Though I prefer Strobel’s Case for __ books, I like Keller

4) Culture Making by Andy Crouch – “What does my inability to finish these books assume about our culture?” Don’t answer that. Good book. Really like his examples. And appreciate his creativity.

5) I Kiss Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris – I want to finish this book so I can tell young people why they should NOT read this book. Easy read. Difficult to get past the second chapter.

6) Tribes by Seth Godin – Seth Godin, enough said.

I’m carving out time to read before I sleep –at least 20 minutes of outside reading. Beats checking emails and browsing Facebook, both which by the way are habitual obesessions for many. Another reason for finishing these books is not only for the sake of finishing but also so I can contribute relevant observations amongst various discussions. This means I’ll eventually need to diversify my library.

I’ll get there.

Human

I HATE you.

10 Ways To Give Yourself A Procrastination Inoculation

I took the following post from: http://zenhabits.net/2009/07/10-ways-to-give-yourself-a-procrastination-inoculation/ I thought it was so brilliant that I wanted to share with my 2 readers

Enjoy

10 Ways To Give Yourself A Procrastination Inoculation

Get productive.
Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Karen Leland, author of the new book, Time Management In an Instant.

You know what you need to do. You know why you need to do it. You even know what steps you must take to get it done. But there’s one small problem: you can’t seem to get moving. It’s a common problem. Maybe it’s chronic procrastination or maybe you’re just so overwhelmed that you feel paralyzed. Either way, the task you must complete is just sitting there, gathering metaphorical (or perhaps literal) dust, and growing more ominous by the day.

A recently study by Dr. Piers Steel, a professor at the University of Calgary concluded that procrastination is on the rise. According to Steel’s research, in 1978 about 15 percent of the population were considered moderate procrastinators. Today that number is up to 60 percent, a four-fold increase. While procrastination is to some degree a natural phenomenon and can’t be completely eradicated, you can use the following ten strategies to to get in the habit of getting things done.

1. Take advantage of your power hours. Are you an early riser who tackles your morning to-do list with all the gusto of a bear eating honey? Perhaps you’re a night-owl and crank through your most pressing projects at 11:00 p.m.?

Either way, knowing and taking advantage of your natural energy patterns will help you steer clear of procrastination by using your power times to tackle the projects you find most challenging.

2. Focus for five minutes. The hardest part of overcoming procrastination is often just getting started. For a tedious task that you have been putting off try setting a timer for five-minutes and get to work. When the alarm sounds, if you feel like stopping – don’t be surprised if that first five minutes turns into 10, 15 and 20.

3. Create cues. Write down the item you need to do and place it somewhere where you can see it – your refrigerator door, car dashboard, calender, iphone, bathroom mirror. Posting prompts on items you are procrastinating about in a highly visible place, helps remind you to get them done.

4. Use the clout of your calendar: Do you have a task that has been lingering on your to-do list for days, weeks or even (gulp) months? If so, use the clout of your calendar to move from inertia to action. Open your planner or PDA and schedule a specific date and time period when you promise yourself that you will work on that item – and that item only.

5. Decide on the next action: One reason people procrastinate is they feel intimidated by the task as it is currently stated and can’t figure out what to do next. To overcome overwhelm, figure out the next smallest, easiest and most comfortable action you could take to move forward. By breaking down the bigger less defined item into smaller more specific chunks, you tell your mind “I can do this”!

6. Give yourself credit all along the way: The moment you take any action (no matter how small) – give yourself credit. Don’t wait until the entire to-do is complete before experiencing at least some degree of satisfaction and accomplishment.

7. Tackle the hard ones first: Almost everyone has more focus, energy and attention available at the beginning of their workday than at the end. When you have to do a hard task, get it out of the way and do it first thing in the morning. This way it won’t nag at you all day long.

8. Be decisive: Putting off a decision on what to do with that piece of paper won’t be any easier tomorrow than it is today. Train yourself to categorize every item that comes across your desk as something to do now, delegate, dump, or defer. Defer does not mean placing it back in the pile and pretending it does not exist. That is the pathway to procrastination. It means putting it in a dated tickler file, scheduling a time to do it, or moving it to a someday to-do list – where the guilt and stress of procrastination don’t apply.

9. Enlist encouragement. Tell a close friend what you’re going to accomplish by when and ask them to check in on your progress. Going public can create a self-imposed pressure to shun procrastination and perform. Having a buddy who can celebrate your successes, and help you maintain perspective when you procrastinate is invaluable.

10. Play let’s make a deal. To get yourself moving on a hard to do activity, try a bribe. Make a promise to yourself that when you stop procrastinating and take some action on the item, you get a reward. This can be a piece of chocolate, watching a favorite tv show, spending time with your family – anything that you value and will motivate you to get moving.

Karen leland is the bestselling author of the new book Time Management In an Instant: 60 Ways to Make the Most of Your Day. Feel free to excerpt any or all of this article but please give credit to Karen Leland and the book. You can read more at her blog, or order a copy of the book and receive a free bonus of The Essential Email online program.

Carrie Bradshaw

I don’t think I could ever blog for a living. Not only because I lead a mediocre life or because I don’t like to write, but I would much rather recap about my day in a journal or something, or in my thoughts. Writing online is too much pressure, I think. Simply because I need to make sure what I write makes sense, or that it’s grammatically correct. So when or if people actually read this junk, what I say would make sense. Regardless of how boring my day was, at least people get the full extent of how boring my day actually was without getting distracted by my inability to put together a comprehensive sentence.

Sex and the City has been my favorite show lately –that and Good Eats. If anyone asks me what I’d like for Christmas or as a birthday present, I’d first say, “All nine seasons of Good Eats,” then “All six seasons of Sex and the City.” I’m not sure why I brought this up. Maybe because the illustration depicts how much into I’m into the shows at the moment.

I’m currently trying to do my hair like her’s. The bob hair is cute, but I want more bounce. I’ve tried wrapping my hair, but the curls are too inconsistent. I’ve tried twisting my hair when it’s wet then defusing it, but it gets frizzy. The closest I’ve been to getting the ‘hair’ is with a curling iron about 1/4” when it’s damp and then defusing the hair after.

Maybe I’ll just save my time and get a perm.

Thanks for reading this far. I know, I’m not that interesting. But if you know how I could get the hair, share your tips!

Sitting Duck

I’m turning 23 this year and I’ve yet receive my college degree in public relations –but I’ve managed to watch over hundreds of movies and eat at high-end restaurants that charge $20 for a slice of bacon. Shoot me.
I’m tired of waiting for what’s mine.